Hamburger Helper

Mother called this morning. It was a fun phone call. She called to let me know that 49 years ago today she became my Mother. We share special moments like that. She could remember that my grandmother made me a hamburger for supper on the night that she and Daddy married. I was planning fish for dinner tonight, but I think I will have to change my plans. In honor of the day it only seems fitting that a hamburger be in order. Who knows, maybe even homemade on loaf bread and not a bun. I am sure that is the way my grandmother would have made it.

Git-r-done

I would most likely not make my mother proud admitting that I know who Larry the Cable Guy is. I would most likely fall out of my chair if she admitted she knows who he is and has ever heard any of his jokes. But, I have to borrow a line from Larry, "git-r-done". I have been really motivated since the first of November and I have been able to accomplish many task. I am excited about the accomplishments that I have done. I wish I knew what had changed to get me so motivated, but all I can say is Praise God and thank you for giving me the renewed joy.

I have taken out time for me, not enough time, but the time that I have had has been fun. I have almost completed a Christmas quilt I started 2 years ago. My goal is to complete it and snuggle under it for the first time Thanksgiving weekend. I hope the weather cooperates, and we are not wearing shorts. I have also started some Christmas sewing projects and I have enjoyed working on them.

God is showing me that phyical rest is important, but renewal also comes in taking out some time to mentally rest and enjoy the talents that He has given me. He gave them to me for a reason. He wants me to enjoy them. My talents that He gave me help me to minisiter to others. I let someone who is suppose to be a spiritual leader in my world rob me of that joy a couple of years ago. He condimed the ladies in our church who use their talents to minister to others by stating we are robbing God of our time when we sew and as he called it are "stampin' up" (making cards). I recently re-read Proverbs 31:10-31, about an excellent wife. I am far from an excellent wife, just ask Bill. I have learned if I am working on being an excellent wife, I am giving myself and my time to the Lord. I am far from robbing God of my time, I am seeking to serve Him. Proverbs 31:31, states, Give her the product of her hand, and let her works praise her in the gates. Thank you Lord for reminding me that the talents you have given me are products of my hands, and you want me to use them for you.

New kid on the block

Hannah: Favored by God, gracious, graceful

God blessed our family this summer with Hannah. I had the opportunity to meet Hannah this past week. Hannah is from China and has special physical needs. God has given her with a very strong and loving spirit. He has also given her a clear and sharp mind.

I can't begin to put myself in Hannah's shoes. A new country, new family, new name, new language, new foods, new religion, new traditions, and the list goes on and on. I have tried to think how I would adjust to being the new kid on the block in China. New country, new family, new name, new language, new foods, new traditions...I can't begin to imagine, and I am a fairly flexible ole' girl.

During our visit, Hannah announced one morning, "Ready to go back to China now." My heart broke, not because she doesn't love us, but because she is missing her familiar, her comfort zone. Homesickness is not just an American event.

I know God has it all under control and that He will meet all of Hannah's needs. After all, her name means favoured by God, gracious, graceful. I thank Him for that. I know He will continue to give her serenity and peace. As her aunt, it is my job to pray for her, to love her, to ask God what I need to do for her as she grows and matures. Paul tells us in Philippians that He who began a good work in us, will be faithful to perfect it. I will never know why God brought Hannah into our world. I don't need to know, that is not important, I am thankful that He did.

Trick or Treat

Trick or treat, come smell my feet and give me something good to eat! I can remember this rhyme from my childhood. Wow, how things change. I guess it would be politically incorrect to use this phrase now for some reason or the other...offensive to Dr. Scholl or whom ever.

I had a wonderful Halloween. I spent the evening with "my knight in shining armor and his sidekick dragon". It was wonderful. The joy that only children can bring. Andrew and Matthew are awesome. They have supplied Bill and I with many warm fuzzy moments, laughter, hugs and kisses. It has been fun watching these babies begin on their journey to becoming men. We are honored to have been invited to be a part of that journey. I thank God for them. I thank God also that they have wonderful Christian parents who want to give their children love, create memories, and are not selfish with their time and devotion to family.

I am thankful Liz and Scott want them to grow slowly and be little boys as long as possible. I am also thankful that they try to guard what goes into their minds and try to protect them from things that encourage children to grow up too fast. I am grateful they encourage learning and activities to develop skills and imagination over a TV to babysit. They are doing an awesome job getting these fellows on the right path to manhood.

God promises us "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 I am thankful my "knight in shining armor and my little dragon" have people in their worlds who are working towards this promise. It does take a village. I can't always decide who is going to live in my village, I can't control the behaviors of others in my village. However, I can ask for the wisdom and the strength needed to help "my knight and dragon" slay any villains that cross their paths.

thank you for sharing

My friend and co-worker, Michael died last night. He was not in my world for a very long time, only about a year. He was an awesome man. God allowed me to see Him in Michael on more than one occasion. He was a blessing in my life. I think about the words of John Donne's sermon when he said, ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. Michael touched many lives, not just mine. He offered hope, life, freedom to many a person in recovery for addiction problems. He offered laughter, smiles and kind words each day. I already miss my friend. I thank God for putting Michael in my world. He always knows who we need in our world and when it is time for them to move on to another place. I know Michael is in a wonderful place, called Heaven. He is dancing with the angels, snuggled in the arms of God's love, walking streets of gold. Thank you Lord for sharing Michael with us, even if only for a short time...I don't understand your timing Lord, but I accept it.

She thinks she's a "coon dog"

Mindi, my 6 pound Pomeranian, decided this morning that she could take on the world. Rocky Raccoon invited himself to dine on cat food on the back porch, and Mindi had other things in mind. She decided to fight for what was hers. She kindly asked Rocky to leave the porch with a few barks. However, Rocky was like a woman with a coupon, he was not leaving until he had completed shopping. Mindi, then decided to add a little attitude to the conservation. Clearly Rocky gave her his "speak to the paw" routine and continued on at the buffet. Mindi decided to "kick it up a notch" and it was clear to the entire neighborhood that "not all was right with the world" at the Bricker household. I am not sure who asked whom to dance, but it was clear Mindi decided to lead. She waltzed Rocky right up the tree and proceeded to tell everyone in the neighborhood not only was he a lousy dancer, but also a cheap date. We haven't seen Rocky in a few days, maybe he is looking for a home that offers more compassion. Maybe it was humiliation, he clearly outweighed her, or maybe he is just waiting for us to get a Lazy-Boy sofa or recliner.

Hands off

Serenity: peace, clearness, calmness, quietness, stillness, calmness of mind, undistrubed state, composure, eveness of temper

I allowed someone to steal my serenity yesterday. I know God had a hand in it. If He had not, I would have gotten out of her car and walked home. God in His wisdom gently reminded me to let her be where she is. Sit back and take it, that He would protect me from the wrath and the words that were so cutting. I did. However, I allowed it to stay in my mind for the rest of the day. The words hurt, but in listening to them gave me insight as to where she is. God showed me that she is not where she thinks she is and she is headed for another crash and burn. Resentments are killing her. I don't know how much longer she will be able to carry that heavy load she is trying to bare. All I can do is pray for her. Give her to God and ask Him to carry her resentments for her.

God prepared me for what was coming. It is amazing to watch God at work. I am in total awe of His love. Our worship service was great at church. God used our praise and worship time to allow me to snuggle in His love. My friend went to church with me. Maybe she got something totally different out of the service. Maybe God gave her the courage to "air" her resentments towards me. Maybe that is why God said, sit there and listen. I can't change her feelings towards me, they are her feelings. I have worked long and hard to let her know that I love her and care about her. Father, she is yours. Use me if I am needed, otherwise remind me to stay out of Your way. You don't need my help.

Camping...

Today was the first day that it really felt like fall. I have loved it. This morning's temp was in the 40's and the high today was 68! It makes me want to go camping. I grew up camping. It was a Kendall family tradition and I am thankful that it continued to be a Bricker family tradition. The evening camp fires, sharing uninterrupted time with family and friends, stories, campfire stew, sandwiches, misquotes, and the list goes on and on. The memories and laughter that have been shared on many a camping trip will always be in my heart. The renewal of sitting in God's perfectly created world is in it's self a time of renewal. I see the trees, feed the ducks, deer and the squirels. I watch the beautiful sunsets over the lazy lake and I am grateful that God gives me short breaks to enjoy His beauty, to be physically and spiritually renewed. I can't understand how anyone can look at a tree and not believe in God. Who else could grow a tree?

Sentimental Journey

Last night as I was leaving work, my cousin called. Her news, it is going to be a girl. Her daughter is expecting. Her name is going to be Bain, a family name. After I hung up I realized how blessed I am. God used Suzanne to remind me of all the wonderful people He has placed in my life. Family is so important to me. Of all my family members, I am most likely the most sentimental about family and family memories. I try to share with my family how much I love them. No doubt about the reason, I know why. I started losing family members when I was a baby. Beginning at age 18 months with my Mother.

However, for the people God removed from my world, He replaced and added more. He gave me another Mom who loves me very much and I her. She loved me so much she adopted me. How many women do that? Actually work towards making blended families their own. I never looked at Mother as someone who was trying to replace my mother. She didn't try to do that. She loved me in her own way, as a Mother. I consider myself blessed, I had two Mothers who loved me. One who gave me life and the other who taught me how to live. It was all part of God's plan for me. Psalms 149 tells me that He had my whole life mapped out long before I was born. I have friends and clients who often tell me that their mother is their best friend. I never wanted my mother to be my best friend. I wanted my mother to always be my mother. To care for me, love me and nurture me as only a mother can.

Marianne and Van, my niece and nephew are the light of my life. As far as I know, they have never looked upon me as not being their biological aunt. I cherish every minute I get to share with them. I get excited when I get an e-mail from them, just because I am their aunt and they want to share something in their world with me.

Van has blessed our family with 5 children. His (our) newest is adopted from China and I can't wait to meet her. I once read a poem about adoption that I think sums it all up. One of lines of the poem will forever be a part of me. "My precious child, you didn't grow under my heart, you grew in it." My family for some reason allowed me to grow in their hearts...as we are already doing with Hannah. Thank you, Van, for being willing to to open your heart.

Marianne has a spirit of giving and compassion. Her humor is a gift that God not only gave to her, but to our family. Marianne's humor is one of the strengths of our family. Marianne also has the ability to think "outside the box". What a gift and a talent to have. She is not scared to reach for the "stars". She is a "shining star" and I thank God that He has given her that freedom. God knows just who we need in our world doesn't He?

Shirley. I would love to say she is my best friend, but she is more than that, she is my sister. My friends come and go, they change, they don't always love me unconditionally. I love my sister unconditionally. Who else could to back over my tricycle with the car and I still love her? That is a major issue in your world when you are five years old, to have your one of your sources of transportation bite the dust. I am sure that my parents were just grateful that it was not my cast iron John Deere tractor that she backed over.

My aunts, uncles, cousins and my grandparents allowed me to grow in their hearts. My favorite "Granny story" was the one she would frequently tell me about how she feel in love with me the first time she saw me. She never forgot the clothes I was wearing the very first time she saw me. Her strengths were love and laughter. My Papaw instilled in me his love for roses and gardening. My favorite cousin story about the thunderstorm will always be a smile to my face and heart. My aunts and uncles each contributed their special memories of love to molding me into the person I am today.

God once again. He causes all things to work together for the good. Thanks to my family who lives in my heart.

Fanny is Anemic

Exercise. It is not a four letter word. Count the letters carefully...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Hmmmm....I can hear Craig now. No, it isn't a four letter word, just multiply 4 x 2????? and that would make it two four letter words.

The iron in my blood has certainly turned to lead in my butt. No, it would not make my Mother proud that I used the word butt, but sometimes you just gotta! Nothing else will fit. I have lost a lot of weight, to date, 185 pounds. However, "Fanny" wants to be the last to depart. She is hanging on for dear life. She thinks we are best friends. I don't have the heart to tell her it is time for us to put our relationship "behind us".

I love exercising. It really makes me feel better physically and emotionally. I have done really well with my exercise program, until...here it comes, confession time, (a drum roll would work well here) a couple of months ago. Now, I walk in from work. My leaded, still over sized "Fanny" drags me to the nearest chair, forces me to flop down and will not allow me to move from the chair. It is like a giant oversize magnet has control of "Fanny". It will only release me from the giant over sized chair if, and only if, I make a commitment to get up out of the chair, and wag the two of us bed. In order to get to the bedroom, I have to walk right by all the wonderful exercise equipment that God has blessed me with and expects me to use. I look at it and "Fanny" reminds me that I made her a promise to go to bed. She also speaks clearly that she is way too heavy and tired to climb up on any of that stupid looking equipment. The argument that goes on between my brain and "Fanny" at that moment is frightening. Obviously, "Fanny" is stronger than my brain, because she wins the argument every time. "Fanny" tells my brain if you force me to walk over there, I promise you, I will sit down. My brain believes her every time.

My exercise equipment is in my sewing room. It is also the address of my iron and ironing board. My wonderful mother in all her wisdom, instilled in her children the importance of looking nice when going out in public. Clean clothes, neatly pressed, etc....I try to honor my mother's wishes in this area of my life. Lately, I have been wearing more clothes that don't need pressing. You know, the guilt trip of having to face the lonely exercise equipment and that emotional battle that goes on between my brain and "Fanny". I don't want "Fanny" to win that battle at 6:00 in the morning and the two of us have to go back to bed. However, as fate would have it, it happened! This morning, I had to re-introduce myself to the iron and ironing board. I was totally out of clothes that I could wear without pressing. I begin to prepare my brain for the fact that we were going to have to walk by the exercise equipment. That we needed to stop, but there just was not time this morning. So there was no need to get into this big argument with "Fanny".

As I stood at the ironing board, preparing to look my best, I suddenly had the divine revelation that ironing my dress was exercise...you know "pumping iron". The emotional freedom that I felt at that moment, I will never be able to forget, totally indescribable. Wouldn't you know it, of all the times for my brain to win an argument with "Fanny" it would have to be at that very moment. "Yep, keep thinking like that and we will have to change "Fanny's" name to Big Bertha."

I never really had it...

I lost a friend yesterday. I didn't lose her to death, I lost her to alcoholism. It would have been easier to lose her to death, because that would have been God's decision. I had to look deep into my soul and find the courage to make a change in my life. It was not an easy decision, but for now it is the best decision for me. It does not mean that I don't love her, I always will. It hurts. However, in the midst of the pain, I have also found relief.

God was preparing me for this a week ago. I didn't know it. The topic for my Saturday family group a week ago was developing friendships. One of the qualities of friendship is that it satisfies needs. One of the questions I asked the group is, "What needs are your friendships satisfying for you?"

I woke this morning around 3:00 a.m. As I laid in bed, rubbing my puppy, thinking about the situation, questioning my decision. God recalled the question to me, "What need is the friendship satisfying for me?" The answer, nothing but pain. I thought about my relationship with my puppy. She offers me more than my friend has ever considered offering. God reveled to me that my friendship with her had only been one sided. I was giving, giving and giving, to be have nothing in return but judgement and resentment handed back to me. What took me so long to see this? I need to re-phrase that question, what took me so long to accept it? I had seen it for a long time. It was a friendship that never really was. It was a friendship that I longed for.

My "friend" told me more than once that she never felt a part of the other three of us. God also reminded me that in order to have a friend, you first have to be a friend. She was not willing to step out of the box and be a friend, her judgements and resentments prevent her from developing friendships. Our relationship was all about her. When the four of us were together, it was all centered around her. Trying to help her feel a part of the friendships, the drama that she creates to satisfy her wants/needs.

I have learned from this. First, that my real friends love me unconditionally. They don't care what a mess I am. They love my character defects, my sick sense of humor. They want to spend time with me, just because I am me. We give and take from each other. When I am down, I can turn to them for emotional support and comfort. I can give back to them when they are in need. When I share happy moments or events they celebrate with me, and I with them. My thoughts, my feeling, my opinions matter to them. They love me warts and all. They respect me and I offer them the same.

This is what I tried to do for my "friend", I tried to be this type of friend for her. She is blinded by alcohol. I have compassion for her knowing the role alcohol plays in our lives. Knowing it is a disease. However, it is a disease that unlike others in the fact it controls our behaviors as much if not more as it impacts us phyically. I can still have compassion but I can't allow my compassion to turn into allowing me to be repeatedly hurt. She has choices in her behaviors, and as long as she chooses to manipulate and decieve, I have to love her from "a distance". I know she doesn't want to be this way, but the choices she makes are hers.

I pray one day I will not have to love my other "friend" from afar, that she too will want to be my friend and will value my friendship. Until then, I still have to love her from a distance. I still struggle that it hurts so much to lose something I never really had, but it does...

puppy love

My puppy has been seriously ill this week. The vet's orders are to keep her still and calm. How do you calm the "energizer bunny"? God has given her a spirit of joy, love and enthusiasm. Only God will be able to edify her zestfulness during this time of healing.

When I see the spirit of joy, unconditional love and enthusiasm that she has, it touches my heart. How I long to have these attributes shine in my life. I pray each day that someone will see the Lord through me.

Continuous joy today is what I pray for. I frequently find myself praying for God to restore the joy of my salvation. As a counselor and a caregiver, I am thankful that God allows me to see when this is a need and I don't have much left to give. I am grateful for the strength that God provides me minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. He restores what is needed in His time, not mine.

I am often surprised by the "tools" He uses to meet my needs. A client who is hurting...an unexpected phone call of love from Bill, an intern who is anxious to jump in and help in anyway, or a fuzzy puppy who gives the best puppy kisses in the world.

renewal in preparing for sleep

Fall creates new feelings in our home. It is a time of watching the world preparing for "a long winter's nap". The fall traditions that renew our spirits. The cool, crisp mornings, people once again venturing outside after a long, hot Texas summer, the beautiful leaves that magically dance with the wind. I love the open windows and the sounds that from a distance enter my mind. Children playing, mowing the lawn for the last time, families talking quietly as they sit on their front porches at night, a radio playing softly in the distance. As the sounds change to hearing children calling "Trick or Treat", family football games in the yard, and family conservation as they gather around the Thanksgiving table, it a reminder that within the season there is also change.

The smells of autumn also are different from any other time of the year. The smoke that lazily lingers from chimneys that guard our housetops. The burning of leaves that have changed from green, to beautiful fall hues, to finally brown. Hot dogs smothered in chili, hot apple cider with fragrant cinnamon sticks, marshmallows that have been burnt beyond recognition. The smells of turkey, onions, celery, cranberries, stuffing, and pumpkin pie that on Thanksgiving Day gratefully allow us to stuff ourselves into misery.

The traditions of family offers comfort. Buying the pumpkins, gourds and beautiful Indian corn the first weekend in October. Friday night campfires and cookouts, gathering pecans, and watching for the Harvest moon. Cool fall evenings that bring out the sweaters, and the tranquility that only comes from rocking on the front porch. Thanksgiving with family and friends or just the two of us. A time to rethink our gratitude.

I am grateful for the renewal that comes before hibernation. God in His infinite wisdom.